“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu
For a very long time I was loved, but couldn’t love in return. Partly I think because his love was conditional on me being the person he thought I should be. Also because he had hurt me so very badly in the past that all trust was gone.
In February 2014 I met my now partner, a man more different to my ex husband than I was ever likely to meet. At that time, the marriage was over though my ex hadn’t properly moved out. He tried to hang onto something that was lost. Exert control over me so that he had the best of both worlds – a new relationship and someone to do his washing. I kid you not. Interestingly I didn’t know about that new relationship yet and was feeling sorry for him. Because yes, I had just cheated on him. That part is a long story that I’ll share later on in the month.
Any way, back to being loved and loving. Meeting Graeme was one of the best things ever to happen to me. You see he hasn’t sought to change me, but has helped me to change myself. I’m much closer now, to being the person I would have wanted all along. It took courage to break away from the mess I had got into and to start again. Something I could never have done without knowing we loved and trusted each other.
That’s not to say that all is sweetness and light, we certainly have our moments. But this time around I feel free to express myself to him and to tell him anything. I didn’t realise I kept secrets before, but I did. Nothing big, just stuff that wasn’t worth getting into a deep discussion or even argument about. Just a quiet life but an untruthful one.
It’s liberating to love and be loved when you know that you have the strength and courage to live your best life.